Who Am I?

I am a human being (Any doubt?). Probably a good one. Well that’s what people consider me to be. Now what I consider myself to be? That’s a good question but I don’t really know if I can give an answer to that. I’ll try…..

In my case I live in two different worlds. The real one and the imaginary one. I like the imaginary one more. So let’s begin with that. So in my imaginary world I am a perfect human being. The one with a witty sense of humour. The most intelligent one in the room. The smartest guy and the humblest (though very richly gifted) person. I am the most creative person and I get the maximum attention. Last time the person to give me attention was none but Mr. Christopher Nolan (as I had watched Interstellar recently) because I had the best knowledge as a fifteen year old about space. Last time it was Coldplay because I sung their songs like no other girl in our school. Just a reminder this is my imaginary world. I can be anything I want to be like. For example:

• · I can feed data into people’s mind and make them feel what I want them to feel about me.
• · I can control them to behave just the way I want them to do so.
• · I can consider myself the best.
• · I can be the perfect human being alive on this planet.
• · I can include all the people I want to include in my little room.
• · I can literally do anything and everything.

So why should someone hate this life? Something which is not real. Something which is so comfortable. Well for all the people who do not live in these worlds, I don’t at all understand you.

Now let’s jump into the real world. So this is something which actually defines me. Well I know that something should not define you rather you should define yourself, I ought to believe most people are not yet able to be like that.

If you have read it till here then well and good. But if you found it too boring and you were just scrolling and your eyes fell upon these words, just go back a bit and read the points which are as bullets. You notice one thing. I have not basically answered the question (title). Because I ‘CAN’ be everything in my imaginary world but the answer lies in what I ‘AM’ in this Real world.

So this is what I am:

Last time in one function at school I wanted to wear a beautiful dress and look like the most beautiful person. So the previous night I shouted and screamed to find a suitable dress but I didn’t get any. I will look too fat if I wear that. I will look like a boy if I wear that. And lastly I ended up wearing a very cultural dress which I didn’t want to but I did so to impress my grandmother who had given me that dress which I really didn’t like. And the next day I got weird looks. Some courageous ones even said “Can’t you even wear a proper dress today?” Well they said so because I don’t sort of bother about fashion. I choose to wear the same type of boring clothes every day. But I wanted to look special one day but I miserably failed. And instead of impressing I rather screamed and yelled upon my grandmother.

Conclusion: I am a person who is too much bothered by what people say. I don’t care about anyone sometimes and end up being a hopeless case for everyone. All people don’t think the same way as I do about myself. Maybe none.

One day in school (Yes! That’s what matters to me the most generally) I was sitting with a bunch of friends practicing for our class commemoration and I swear I never use cuss words. You have choices for everything and I choose not to use them. That’s what I do till now. Future is uncertain. Now after the practice we sat down and for some particular issue one of them (let us assume her to be X) cussed. Okay!! I have no issue with what you do but teachers have as they want us to grow and show how decent our school was. I don’t think giving cusses prove that but fine. So a teacher came up and saw us carefully and called me up because she knew me better than the others (probably). So I went to her and immediately told her “Sorry”. Now she called us maybe ten minutes after she cussed so I thought she called me because we were speaking in vernacular which the school doesn’t allows but everyone does that and moreover X cussed very softly which should not be audible by human ears from the next floor. But she called me for that word. And then she invited everyone present there to the principal’s office and told me that if I didn’t speak the truth she would break my teeth. And I started crying. Tears were streaming down my face and since I was quite popular at school (I was the Middle School head girl the previous year) it spread like a breaking news. But what spread was different. Everyone learnt that I cussed. So then in the office rather than scolding our principal explained us which was really good of her. And then as we were about to depart my teacher called me back and asked me to narrate a different issue about cusses to Principal. And then she said to her, “She is very good sister. She will never do such work. But she only has to be brave enough to speak the truth.” These were quite good words but still I cried on that issue and wasted my entire evening.

Conclusion: I am imperfectly foolish.

Well so I am not what I can be. Nobody is. But I do learn things. These are probably the two pettiest things in my fifteen year old life. I laugh when I narrate them to someone now. I did even when I wrote it. I do agree that you there have literally nothing to do with my life. Maybe you found this boring. But for me this was interesting. Maybe You find your story interesting and I will find it boring. But whatever the case, you live for yourself. You need to be what you are. I ought to like you just the way you are and if I don’t do so, I don’t think you should give me any importance in your life. You know after these two incidents I realised:

• · The same people who love you may be the same people who will hurt you but be grateful to them for the little things of joy they added in your life. (This is my teacher)
• · Be grateful for what anyone does in your life to make you happy. It might be you aren’t happy but it is okay. (This is my grandmother)

Finally, you can’t be the way you are in your imaginary world in this reality. But that is why it’s two different worlds. Don’t try to be perfect. Just try to be imperfectly wonderful. Try to be perfect at your job. If you do this then your efficiency increases by 1% every time. Don’t try to impress others, impress yourself. I know you didn’t need to read such a boring article to understand this but read them again. Have you understood it? If yes, then imply it. If not, repeat the process. I am doing this now. I am growing.

So who am I? I am still a sapling. I hope one day I will be a beautiful tree who plays a part in changing the world as little as possible.

“I know who I am. And after all these years, there’s a victory in that.” — Matthew McConaughey.